I've had to say goodbye a lot of times before. Some easier than others. This goodbye is probably the hardest, and most painful of them all. You may be reading this, maybe you're not. Either way, I just wanted to be finally truthful about how I've been feeling this week.

My week has been hell. Everywhere I go, I think of you. Everything I touch, you come to mind. Every song I hear, reminds me of you. It hurts. It really really hurts. I wish I could pretend that everything was just a dream but just as I'm about to start believing myself, reality pulls be back again.

I curse the star that made my wish come true and took it back again.

Do you know what I do every night for the past week? I cry myself to sleep thinking of what has been and what could've been. I wish I was angry at you but I just can't be. How could I? You did nothing wrong. These past few days I've done nothing but blame myself for everything yet the pain still won't go away. What can I do to make things right? What did I do wrong?

I wanted to tell you the other day that I thought she was lucky, she was lucky because she had your love, your sincerity, she had you. I, on the other hand, have nothing but myself. There has never been a time that I never wished I was her. I feel like I'm going to crawl into a ball anytime because I clutch myself when I cry since I don't have anybody else to cry to.

What if you never said okay? What if we just stayed like we were before? What if. . Maybe I won't have this empty feeling inside of me, maybe I wouldn't be thinking of ending my life, maybe I won't even be doing things to end my life, maybe I wouldn't feel so suffocated at home with all your memories, maybe I wouldn't be going to school and smiling so hard just to stop myself from crying. It's a lot of maybes and what ifs.

I wish I can get over you just as fast as you got over me.

If I died maybe things will be easier for you.