Currently came back from school. Today was like the 2nd day of school. SUPER SUPER HYPED.

Last week was basically Orientation Week hence I lost my voice. It's kind of like requirement for me to lose my voice every time I go for camps. We had like this night walk that was seriously SERIOUSLY SCARY BEYOND ALL REASONS. I actually cried coz I was so terrified. *sigh* I think my partner that time was halfway from death coz I was grabbing his arm so hard.

Orientation was super fun. Met alot alot alot of people. OYEAH SUB-EMPIRE ROCKS!!! Then during the last day we had the Regatta where we competed against the other schools. We were mostly concerned about our Best Spirit Award that the batch before us won last year. Totally screamed my lungs off cheering. DE-DE-DE-DESIGN!!!! We said some nonsense cheers and what-not. OF COURSE, WE WON OUR BEST SPIRIT AWARD!!!

Damn funny. At the end of the day I sounded like one ahpek. -.- Went to Paya Lebar Methodist Church to attend Tim Chu's graduation and FUSION with Grace, Esther, JiaLe, Setho, Fabian, Nick Ho, and Asy the next day. SERIOUSLY ENJOYED MYSELF.

I had to go to work afterwards and I couldn't really talk so KM handled the counter while I did the running. Had fun at work disturbing Wai Haur with my froggie voice. *harharhar*

As usual went home with KM. Cabbed (again). Of course the moment I sat down, I fell asleep 5 minutes flat. Gravity had a strong hold on me so every turn the cab driver made, I swayed like hell. There was actually a moment the cab swerved too much I knocked my head onto KM's. He cupped my face afterwards so it was another heart-thumping moment for me.

SERIOUSLY!!!!! JUST TELL ME YOU LIKE ME AS WELL AND SEND ME OVER THE MOON!

Even Grace tells me that she thinks he likes me. *sigh* I told her that it's so obvious that I feel differently towards him compared to my exes. I've never talked to her about any of my exes during the "before relationship stage"... Even she sees how much I like KM.

*sigh* You sure are stupid to not realize how I feel.

It hurts, this beating heart of mine. It's like there's a knife that's always been there and finally, someone has decided to push it in deeper to make sure the pain stays. SUCKS.

I seriously have this urge to tell him how I feel yet something always holds me back. I'm happy the way I am now with him, why would I want to push it further with the risk that we may never be the same again afterwards?

Work has been all but boring. How can it be when I'm enjoying every moment with him? It's been the same everyday, going to work, laughing at work, sleeping, getting woken up by him (he'll scare me awake, crouch down and smile), laughing again, then going home with him. How can he not know how I feel? It's so bloody obvious... *sigh* But I still like his denseness.

*sigh* I fell in love with his smile. Every time he smiles, I see how unreal mine is. His dedication, his weird laugh, his blithe personality, the way his eyes have that certain twinkle whenever he's really really happy, his company, his presence... I love it all.

Monday morning I was working OT with him, while Wei Meng and Mireen did their morning shift. He was like, "Ok, when Bunny Tan comes right, must say 'WELCOME TO RUYI' very loud to make his day!" Then when Bunny did come, the three of us were so busy with customers we weren't able to greet him. Fortunately he went out and when he came back, Mireen and I pretended to mistake him for a customer hence greeting him. HE WAS IN A GOOD MOOD TILL THE MOMENT KM AND I LEFT.

I really really really really really really like him. It's not like any type of like I've ever felt for any of my exes. His is more of a calm, slow kind of love. I don't want to rush it. It's funny coz even though we're not in a relationship, you can see us in the bus, MRT or cab sleeping, arms linked, my head on his shoulder, his head on mine. It sounds to me like some ironic sitcom.

I'm scared to tell him how I feel but at the same time eager to do so. People say it's mutual (still racking my brains as to how it is) ... But what if I live with regret due to a seemingly harmless mistake?

I'm lost for words... for now.