Tuesday, February 3, 2009 ~ 8:05 PM
my sweetest mistake.
well, it's been a while.didn't stay in school for a long time today coz i wasn't feeling well.
blah.
then went home and slept.
i really don't know what's wrong with me these days.it's like i'm always tired and always so cold and sick.
i've had a terrible cold for a week now.
*sigh*
i'm seriously not built for cold weather.
SORRY ERN! it seems like this post is gonna be about him again.i didn't realize how tall he was until this morning.it's either he's tall or 4n1 people are just short.ironically everytime i look at his class, he always stands out...
like literally.*sigh*
i dreamt about him...i haven't dreamt about him in days.i stopped crying myself to sleep so i guess that's kind of an improvement.
i dreamt that i was falling, falling in some sort of tunnel and at the end of it, it always led me to him.
no matter how much i try to run away or no matter what tunnel i fall down to, it seems like the ending will always lead me to him.
oddly enough, everytime i'd "drop by" he'd look at me, smile, and continue on what he was doing.
he'd always lay down a soft mattress for me to fall on as if he knew i was gonna fall down any minute.i don't know what it means.
i'm seriously confused.
i also dreamt about him and muffin.
both of them hurt me in the most extreme way.
thinking back on the two of them, i realized something.
they were both so keen on starting a relationship with me but once they got bored or they got what they wanted, they'd make an excuse or avoid me just to make me break up with them.
haha... it's so ironic.
even the way they acted when they wanted to break up were exactly the same...
they'd avoid me, say that there's nothing wrong...
in the end all the blame goes to me.wow... is it me or do i really suck as a girlfriend?*sigh* well that totally sucks.
bleh.
i seriously have really horrible judgement of character.it seems i have also overestimated myself.
i thought that by this time i'd be fine already.i'd have already moved on.
heck. i thought that i won't get hurt by him in the first place.*sigh*
i guess the reason why it hurts so much is because i believed i was incapable of being even more inexorably hurt that i already am.i let myself believe in the wall of lies i have put up for myself.bugger...
it bugs me the way he broke down the wall i carefully put up.shoutout:
EVEN NOW I STILL DON'T KNOW WHO TO BLAME.
