Saturday, January 17, 2009 ~ 9:46 PM
my sweetest mistake.
TODAY'S THE DAY WHEN ALL DREAMING ENDS...*sigh*
it hurts...
looking at his photo hurts...
knowing he meant alot to me...
yet not knowing how much i mean to him...
knowing that we're together but nothing else would progress...
i love him so much...
that it hurts...
i ask myself what i've done wrong to deserve this.
all i did was love and wished to be loved in return...
yet still there's this suffocating silence between us that engulfs me in its ebony depths that i don't know where i am anymore...
who knew that the sound your life made as it disentegrated was total silence?i don't know what i mean to anybody anymore...
lies. everything was a lie.
i lied to myself all the time. making excuses for my mistakes and everybody else's...just to not hurt anybody else... and me...
i plastered a smile on my face, playing a perfect facade to not let anyone see how much i wanted to break.
it's always about me. i'm such a selfish person thinking about my needs, my wants, everything.
maybe that's what i've done wrong...
i ask myself if God would ever forgive me, everybody, for all the wrong i've, we've, done...
but then i realised...
God left this place a long time ago...i don't know what to believe in anymore...
he doesn't love me...
he never did...
he never will...
at least that's what the voices around me says...
that's what i've been hearing alot from everybody who knows.
i don't know who to believe.
i tell myself it's not true but hey, i don't know the truth myself
why pretend?
why build me up just to break me down?was it worth everybody's time to fuck up my life?i wish he'd tell me it's not true.
that he'd look me in the eye and say
"it's alright... don't cry. don't believe what they say. listen to me, hear these words: i will always love you."
somebody wake me up from this nightmare i just can't wake up from.
