Monday, September 22, 2008 ~ 10:14 PM
my sweetest mistake.
humans are really unbelievable...when humans meet each other, a lot of possibilities happen...
whether it's good or bad...
i just wish that people would scold me more...
criticize me more...
i want them to say more of those sentences to criticize me...
i want them to
let me fall down and never get up...i just ask myself why did the sky turn bright?
why can people laugh so happily?
why did the tv broadcast weather forecast programs?
when all my dreams died and were lost forever...
why didn't the world end with it?after that day when i lost my heart there was a time where i carried on with my life...
empty...
hopelessness is just like the sun covering me with darkness from head to toe...
they say that the world is divided into people who are needed and people who are not...
it is a lie...
in this world there are people who are needed to stay and exist...
in reality, there is not even one...
no matter whether it's a parent, a teacher, a child or a genius,
they are still humans who are not needed in this world...no matter who dies... the world doesn't actually worry about it...
it still continues like normal... dawn and dusk...
this world... doesn't need anybody's existence...it makes humans lonely...
so that humans will also need humans...
feeling that you need someone, hoping that someone will need you...
hoping to meet that kind of person...
being this close to someone..
it's painful...
because being that close to someone made me regret everything...
if that was the result of that wish...
i didn't want anything more to do with it... or to have felt that anymore...
i didn't want to acknowledge that pain... it was too much..
he thought he loved me... it's pathethic... he was like a pathethic fool...
he never kept his promise and that was the end...
i was lonely and i felt i had been betrayed...
i was embarrassed to have even trusted him...
i hate that i'm like this...
i'm hateful...
i shouldn't be here...
i think it would be better if i just disappeared...i always try to protect myself...
i always take the easy way out...
even now i've seen so much pain...
this feeling of almost bursting into tears, it's really lonely..
i want to pretend to forget everything that happened to me...
all i have to do is hate...
it is a very easy way...
it is comfortable like magic... to shift the blame...
all my life i had been doing that to make myself feel better...
am i not the worst?
i felt irritated and afraid...
i didn't mean to be involved with anybody...
i didn't mean to fall in love...
i only think about myself...
selfishly reflect on only myself...
only say what i want to say...
and i should've known that it would happen...
never be able to see someone again...
to never have the chance to apologize...
i should've known that it would happen...
for me to repeat the same mistakes again and again..
it's as if i have never known....
