Tuesday, June 10, 2008 ~ 6:04 PM
my sweetest mistake.
blah.... i just posted a few minutes ago...
i was happy a while ago but upon reading grace's blog i became sad again...
maybe she's right... maybe i'm just a wee bit misunderstood...
maybe that's the reason why everybody's putting on a facade just for me...
they put smiles in their faces when all they think about is that i'm some girl who wants to die...
on the contrary, i used to want to die before but now
i'm just filled with bitterness, anger and mere emptiness...i'm sorry if no one can understand why i am like this...
all these people judging me, using me as a puppet, they're all hypocrites...
the world is filled with these people...
people who wear exaggerated smiles just to show me that i'm not alone...
people who tap my shoulder and say "don't be sad... i'm here for you... " just to show me that somebody cares...
maybe the person that i'm waiting for who will be able to understand me completely.. who'll never judge me... who'll never hurt me...
will never come...
maybe i should abdicate all hope now...
there's no point carrying on with this pretentious life...
what they say is right :
the inexorable truth hurts... very much...i thought that i've already gone past the stage where people will keep one judging me and using me...
i guess i have to carry this burden all my life...
there's nothing i can do more but to either:
1.not return to singapore... or 2.distance myself from everybody and be labelled as an ornery person just like before...and to think i thought that my life in singapore would be easier...
you can't teach an old dog new tricks... but in my case, nobody can teach me how to trust...
i will never know who i can trust anymore... scratch that... i can
never trust anybody anymore....
