Monday, May 12, 2008 ~ 8:51 PM
my sweetest mistake.
watching
8 simple rules...
it's supposed to be a funny show but the segment today is pretty sad...
the dad in the show died and for some effing reason, i can't stop myself from crying with the characters...
"This is so unfair."- "Nobody said that life was going to be fair"- "I know that... I know that life isn't fair but nobody said that life would be this cruel"it's just so painful... coz i grew up without my own dad being there...
there was a moment in my life when i hated my dad for not being there...
i told myself that since he preferred to be overseas than with us, he's dead in my life...
that he erased himself from my life and i have no intention to let him in...
for a whole year i engulfed myself in that hatred and i wouldn't even talk to him when he called...
until now in fact..
but then watching that show made me realize how painful it would be to lose my dad...
the last thing i said to him was that i hated him...
what if he died and that was the last thing i ever tell him...
i would never ever be able to forgive myself...
i'd probably be kicking myself in the head for not being able to forgive...
i was about to call him but i still can't seem to get myself to take the phone and talk to him...
i just want to forgive but i just can't...
i just can't...
