Tuesday, July 27, 2010 ~ 1:43 PM
my sweetest mistake.
Currently in school's CADLab with my class.
Nowadays I feel like I can't really relate to them anymore. That's one of the reasons why I didn't come to school for 3 days last week.I can't wait for August to come. There's gonna be YOG holidays so I can spend two weeks with KM before he leaves for NS. *sigh* I feel like crying every time I think of him leaving. Surely, it's gonna be shit working without him.*sigh*
I don't understand why I feel so alone. I just feel like staying @ home and rotting till who-knows when.
Sucks. Sucks. Sucks.I want to be with him. I want to be beside him. I want to take care of him since he's sick. I just want to be where he is now. It seems like he's the only one I can talk to nowadays.
Yesterday we went to the new Ruyi branch after work. Met up with Ignatius, Glenn, Chanda, Naddy, and Jaggi @ T2. OTW there we were so shagged we just fell asleep immediately every time we sat down. The two of us were like,
"Life sucks." "What's new" -ing each other. *sigh*
Anyway that's all. I just want to see him and be with him, spend the day with him.
Saturday, July 24, 2010 ~ 1:59 PM
my sweetest mistake.
Will it make any difference at all if I never loved you?
Maybe it would. I'd probably act like you're just an older brother for me. I'd probably feel comfortable looking like a fool in front of you. There probably won't be any stinging in my chest every time I hear other people say shit about you.
*sigh* I made a promise to myself that I will never tell you how I feel. But yeah. things changed. I won't tell you how I really feel until the last day I see you. Yeah... I'm not good at saying goodbyes but hey, that's a good way for you to remember me by.
This seriously sucks. You're mine but at the same time you're not.
Am I entranced by your alluring smile or your breathtaking gaze?
I'm clearly in a very very emo-ish state at the moment. BLAH.
Just shoot me. Clearly dying takes less of an effort to do than living.
Friday, July 16, 2010 ~ 1:17 AM
my sweetest mistake.
It seems like nowadays I only start posting during
submission dates. My current submission is now for Design History and Culture. Taking a break.
Things have pretty much been a huge improvement for me. We just shifted house like a few weeks ago so yeah. I'm three bus stops away from school now. I walk everyday so I guess I get my exercise at times. *sigh*
Work wise, every thing's pretty fine. KM and I are inseparable as always. I know I said I've given up on him but now I'm trying to ignore the feelings I have so as to not be disappointed if things don't go my way. We've been having alot of heart-to-heart talks though. I was totally surprised when he said that I'm his most trusted part-timer. *sigh*
School wise, well every thing's fine I guess. Nothing much to complain about since I hardly do anything at school. OKAY CORRECTION: not that I don't do anything but I'm pretty much in my own world. I hardly talk to the girls nowadays. I mostly talk to Chee Kin, Joanna, Hafiez, Matt, Shikin, Yi Xiang and Sakinah now.
The utter agonies of generation gaps.
Joanna and I can't relate to most of the girls coz most of their conversations seem just a tad childish for us to actually be involved in. *sigh* I don't know what the shit am i talking about.
*sigh* I think the only time I'll ever tell KM exactly how I feel is the day before I last see him. That way goodbye won't be as hard. He won't feel any guilt if he breaks my heart, and I won't feel ashamed to look him in the eye. But if he does return them, then good for me. Maybe I'll ask him out on my birthday... All I can do now is just be his friend, remain his most trusted person, give him a cordial smile every time I see him and ignore the cracking sound of my heart.
I'm only deluding myself. I want to forget- ain't that my biggest anti-climax?
