wow.... it's already the 31st of december...

well, we just finished our new year's dinner.

we talked about what we were thankful for this year...

since i have nothing else to blog about today so i'll just type in my thanks to everybody:

TO MY MOM: even if we don't really agree that much, thanks for always putting up with all my reckless antics and for always providing for us.

TO DADDY: even though you're far away somehow you always made sure we were always well-off and that we're safe and sound.

TO 3EA PEOPLE- oh wait, there's only danah who's from my class... rewrite! TO DANAH: thank you for always cheering me up whenever i'm down. thanks for being my friend for so long. love yah darling!!

TO HOLLY: can you believe it? we've been such good friends for quite a long time *ok, it's long for me* thanks for always putting up with my temper and never losing yours on me. thanks for being so patient with me all this time!!

TO ERN, HENI, ICA, JENSEN, NIKI AND SALLY: my most beloved juniors. *hehehe* thanks for all the laughs this year, all the memoires and blah. we've only got one year left together so let's make the best of it ayt?

TO POCH AND TWEET: thanks you for everything. for always being there for me when i need somebody to talk to, for always making me smile, for listening to all my complaints... i never thought that i'd be best friends with you guys.

TO GRACE: thank you for being my listening ear. i always complained to you and you were the same. i always ran to you first whenever i had probs so i thank you for that and for the friendship that you;ve given me. LOVE YAH MY DARLING DAUGHTER!

TO EUGENE GUO: hello freako! even though you irritate me with that spastic smile of yours, you never ever faltered when it comes to making me feel good about myself. you always listened to all my problems no matter how dumb they were. you always made me look deeper into things. so thanks.

TO LHMC YOUTH GALS: ok sorry for the generalization. this means RACHEL, GRACE, SHANICE, SHI PEI, MICHELLE, AND FIONA... you've all been so good to me this year. you always cheered me up like everybody else. you made sure that i'd never emo when i'm with you. everytime i'm with you all i feel like i belong *woo... touchy moment eh?*

TO LHMC YOUTH BOYS: ok even though you bully me all the time, for God knows what reasons, you always never stopped making me laugh. BROTHERHOOD MAN! maybe i was bothered by it in the beginning but i slowly warmed up to the thought. hehehe... so thanks guys. really appreciate the thought

TO MY DEAR: thank you for listening to my complaints. i may not be the best gf you've had but i try to be. thanks for the love you've given me, for all the concern. LOVE YOU... VERY VERY MUCH.

ok... so i guess that's it...

if i missed out on anybody tell me ok?

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYBODY....

and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SHANICE!!!

i'm so sorry i couldn't come today...

love yahhhh!!

words of the YEAR: CAMARADERIE- comradeship
CORDIAL- invigorating the heart

love yah guys very much!

shoutout: I'LL WELCOME '09 WITH OPEN ARMS.

really pissed at the moment coz something is wrong with my phone and now i can't sms anybody...

MY NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION: *as if i'd really follow it*

• control my emotions
• study harder
• lose weight
• save money
• control my anger
• be nicer to people
• be nicer to my brother
• learn to shut my mouth
• never cry again when watching movies.
• be less touchy and blah
• revert back to old self
  

bleh.

unfortunately that's all i can think of...

BLEH.

THIS DAY IS THE MOST FUN DAY I'VE HAD SO FAR!!

i went to meet holly in school to go to her house!!!

so yeah, met her at the bus stop opposite school...

btw... I FELL TWO TIMES!!!

then holly fell and i took a photo of her...

then THEN!! WARREN KEPT BULLYING ME!!!

ok. i know i'm small! there's no need to tell me!!

i took oodles of photos but the com's lagging at the moment so yeah. maybe i'll post it tomo then...

HOLLY MADE ME PLAY THIS SUPER CREEPY GAME CALLED HOTEL 626!!!

i wish i wasn't so curious to see what was so scary about it.

now i don't think i can sleep.

anyway i must add in my new year's resolution: THINK OF BETTER COMEBACKS WHEN ARGUING WITH WARREN.

stupid tall guy!!

bleh!

so me and holly walked fenny to pasir ris park then fenny was sniffing this hole then I FELL IN THE HOLE!!!!!

stupid right?!!

holly has a photo of the two of us about 4 seconds before i fell.

then i think 3 minutes after i fell down, holly slipped on mud then she also fell down!!!

SORRY HOLLY FOR LAUGHING AT YOU! I TEND TO DO THAT... it's a really bad habit.

so blah blah blah.

PASIR RIS PARK!

we tried making fenny swim but she didn't want to.

then holly's slipper broke!!!

AND I FIXED IT!!

woo! my new name!!! JEM: SLIPPER FIXER. SUPER NANNY. PTE LTD.

hehehehe...

then then then!!

we came back home and i ate the cuttlefish that i bought, then i argued with warren again!!!

then holly's dad asked holly to buy coke for her so i followed her, then i tripped at the thingy there *dunnoe what it's called* then i almost twisted my ankle!

so blahhhhhhhh!

went home and they sent me back!!

argued with warren again!!

then at the bus i was sitting beside this old pervo man who was clearly staring at my boobs the whole time.

so i looked at him, then he still continued to stare!!!

ASSHOLE!

unfortunately the bus was packed so i couldn't move to another seat!

so yeah.

fortunately my stop was quite near then i walked to my house for 15 minutes!!!

I'VE HAD ENOUGH EXERCISE FOR THE DAY!!!

anyway, i went home then bathed then played that creepy game for about 6 minutes then i exited coz it scared the crap outta me. *even my bro was scared!!!!!*

we're both such a wuss so yeah.. hehehe...

UBER COOL DAY MAN.

except for the pervo guy.

my area has a lot of pervs...

*sigh*

word of the day: ISOLATE- alone

woo.. still miss him!!!

very very very very very very much.

to EUGENE GUO: no i do not cut myself. be relieved bro!

shoutout: A PART OF ME WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU.

can you believe it?

it's already the 28th of dec...

time sure flies by really quick...

i feel like i wasted my holidays. haa.

today was pretty fun man!

it's one of those sundays when the youth leads worship.

so yeah!! i played... *i can't sing for nuts so yeah that's why i play.*

anyway the second service was a bit of a drag so i went behind to sit with tim- i mean RICHARD! and grace.

then i doodled some photos of the youth team doing something incredibly funny.

so hahaha. alot of people laughed when they saw the eugene doodle*spastic smile!*

then 2nd service ended so went to have lunch with them.

then all the girls decided to name the guys and the girls with names they LOOK like they should have:

eugene- jorge
tim chu- richard
nick- damien
fabian- dave
sung ann- bruce
michelle- angelica
me- alex
xin tian- fatima

i'm not too sure about the others so yeah... i'll update the name list soon. *hehehe*

so yeah ate minced meat noodles.

hehehe...

so blah blah blah..

went home.

then immediately fell asleep.

now kinda hungry...

it's pretty fun today coz the youth was like comforting me and stuff...

they were like "don't emo! when you're with us ah, no time to be emo"

quite funny.

then eugene was like cheering me up from last night till this morning.

so THANK YOU.

word of the day: BEATIFIC- giving joy

shoutout: I'LL STILL LOVE YOU EVEN IF IT'S LIKE THIS.

well another crappy day has come and gone...

went to a christmas party at pasir ris park today...

ate quite alot...

indulged myself in food due to depression...

then blah blah blah.

went to church for worship prac tomorrow.

then went home.

emoing right now.

feel like crap who's insecure, has low self-esteem, and low confidence level.

i wish that i won't be able to see anything again.

because everytime i open my eyes, i see things that just makes the pain in my heart worse.

he's not talking to me.

everybody doesn't care.

my mom doesn't even give a fuck about me.

i smile to hide the pain i feel even though i just want to break down and cry.

it's just so damn fucking painful.

it hurts to keep putting on a mask in front of everybody just so they won't see how much i'm hurting.

i begin to do that particular thing i used to do...

good thing i have a new watch to hide it.

i don't want to do it but subconsciously i do it because i want to get rid of the pain...

i just wish that there would be someone who'd comfort me now,

shoutout: I NEED YOU NOW. BUT WHERE DID YOU GO?

well it's 12 and as usual, i can't sleep.

my insomnia's getting worser and worser...

anyway... i just can't help but wish for things to change regarding my life during the new year.

like i wish i won't be so flighty and blah.

*sigh* i guess it's up to me to change my personality i guess...

but the one thing i really wish for is that people would stop pretending with me...

for them to stop acting like they like me.

or that they really care about me even though they don't.

and for them to stop smiling at me with those fake smiles.

i'm just really really tired of facing everyday knowing that it's just another fake day for the people around me...

*sigh*

i'm not being emo or whatever shit.

i'm just living in a world full of lies and regrets.

i ain't saying that i've never pretended with regards to some people before...

haa... nevermind...

people will just think i'm some kind of depressant- freak.

boo!

well, just finished cleaning my room *yay!*

it got dirty again in like what? 6 days i think.

jeez i can't even remember the last time i cleaned my room.

i'm such a slob.

wished i spent my christmas in philippines.

singapore has absolutely NO christmas spirit.

if i was back home, woo! we would be partying like hell.

*sigh* what's done is done.

been feeling quite funny since yesterday...

like i'm so tired and blah.

anyway haven't spoken to anybody yet.

still quite bummed about christmas eve and all...

but hey, no point dawdling and feeling sad about the past.

i've been listening to Casting Crowns alot. (woo! CCM rocks!)

then there's this song "Does Anybody Hear Her?"

it's quite nice...

"Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even knows she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?"

so yeah... the chorus goes something like that...

and can you believe it? IT'S A CHRISTIAN SONG.

cool...

anyway hoping something will occur to me so i won't be too bored...

maybe hoping anyone would call me or sms me...

*sigh*nevermind.

word of the day: PALTRY- comtemptibly small

YAY!! i finally have the swatch watch that i wanted!

well, that's two things out of my list.

shoutout: I CRIED OUT WITH NO REPLY.

this is a story about a little tree who has never been given any chances to see the light

in a place there was a tree.

the tree was large, abundant in fruits and was very very beautiful.

thus the tree was always very very appreciated.

little did people know behind the large tree, there was a small, mishapen tree.

that little tree was planted there before the larger tree.

but of course, the latter grew better than the other one.

it didn't receive any light because the larger tree blocked every sunlight so it twisted and turned, painstakingly surviving.

it grew a stump growth because the larger tree took most of the rainfall and everything else.

the little tree hated the larger tree.

he thought, "if only someone, anyone, could cut this tree then i would be given the chance to grow, become nicer and be appreciated."

it was slowly consumed by hatred and anger.

because of the larger tree, he was mocked by the people who saw him; saying he was puny and that he's never going to survive...

because of the larger tree, he looked mishapen, contorted, and thus, unhappy.

which one am i of these trees?

i am the little tree...

brought down by the taunts and criticisms of the people around me.

all of them wishing i was more like my brother and, possibly, wishing i was never born.

they look at me with pitiful eyes...

looking at me as if i was something that was never going to live.

i have not been consumed by hatred yet... at least not one towards my brother.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU?

well, to anybody who took their time to read this blog and read all my complaints and what-not,

THANKS AND MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU.

so just woke up from my precious sleep...

bleh.

last night went to church to have a Christmas service...

afterwards gave people pressies and stuff...

then sleptover at the church...

well, i guess you can't really call it a 'sleepover' if hardly anybody fell asleep...

we were all awake playing cards, playing risk, watching movie the whooooooollllle day!

it was pretty fun actually...

then at around 7 ++ people started to break down and just fell asleep...

so of course when we all had our breakfast, we all looked pretty shagged.

so yeah.

came home and fell asleep...

*sigh*

what's so special about this christmas?

oh... i didn't receive any pressies from anybody... aside from the youth gift exchange shit.

i didn't really receive even a simple greeting...

that's how important i am to people.

but hey, it's not all about me. why should it be?

word of the day: NUGATORY- of no real value; worthless...

i guess even on christmas i'm still a selfish bitch.

but thank you youth min. because of all of you, my christmas was somehow fun.

shoutout: THOUGHT IT WOULD BE DIFFERENT.

woo. so late and i'm still up...

quite pooped actually.

want to sleep but just can't get some zzzs for some effing reason...

once again i didn't talk to him coz, well, he didn't give any indication tht he wants to be spoken to...

it's not that i don't want to converse with him, it's just that i have no intention of disturbing him when he seems oh-so busy with his life...

*sigh* so i'll still try to stay passive in my reticent little corner, waiting for the time when somebody will offer their hand to me and say, "you are needed"

why do i feel like i'm the only one feeling this awkward, painful, baren feeling in my self??

this irritating, jaded, tanctility that i feel...

is breaking me to pieces...

it's just that i haven't spoken to him properly ever since the time that we went out...

and that was like dec 3rd?!

it's normal for me to miss him right?

i just- i don't know...

i just feel so... empty. alone. abandoned. forgotten.

word of the moment: ACRIMONIOUS-caustic, stinging, or bitter in nature, speech, behavior

i feel... blasé..

shoutout: SMILE. BREATHE. BANG.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHI PEI!!!!

woots!! today was soooo friggin fun!

lost my voice in the morning coz i was singing like hell then yeah. VOICE CRACKED.

then lazed around for awhile...

O YAH! MY DNA MODEL IS LOOKING WAY BETTER NOW!!!

it's almost finished just need to paint it.

i kinda forgot about it so yeah...

JUST REMEMBERED...

then left the house to meet shanice at tampines interchange...

so yeah. we waited for michelle and rachel at small macs then waited for shi pei to begin our fabu dinner.

we met shi pei at the mrt station then boarded the mrt to go to pasir ris...

hoo. then we walked all the way from pasir ris inter to e-hub!!!

it was really hard for me coz OMFG! i was wearing a dress and HIGH HEELS!

the heels weren't that high i guess but there were so many of those hole-thingies on the way there...

so yeah. yay! finally reached e-hub then met grace...

she didn't stay for long coz i think she had a chalet then she said she looked so out with our clothes... *coz we were all wearing dresses*

so cam whore for awhile then bye bye grace...

ate at the nearby new york new york and that's where things got soooooo wacked.

we ordered our food then we cam whored like HELL!

so yeah... we were all very very VERY spastic...

it was seriously fun man!

it's like everywhere we went, photos were taken...

i'll post some photos tomorrow and also some videos... HEHEHEHE!

we walked back to inter then parted ways...

so me and shanice (my beloved sweetie pie!!!) went home then camwhored...

just arrived home so yeah... MY FEET ARE KILLING ME!!

so yeah... being this happy made me forget, even momentarily, how much i was missing him...

he always seem so busy nowadays...

i haven't talked to him in a long long time...

feeling so lonely everyday...

*sigh*

word of the day: LAGGARD- falling behind or slow...

am i still needed in this world by anybody?

shoutout: HOLDING ON TO A DREAM THAT WON'T COME TRUE.

i'm sorry i'm not as perfect as you wanted me to be.

i'm sorry that i'm such a mistake....

sorry i never think about my future.

sorry if i'm so worthless...

sorry if i'm not as smart as my brother...

i know he means more to you than me...

i know he can achieve the dreams that you want and be able to live the life you planned for him...

sorry if i'm such a black sheep...

sorry for being the child that you never wanted...

i know you never wanted me and i know you still wish i wasn't yours.

sorry for not being to be smart and such.

sorry for not knowing what i want at times.

sorry for being the reason why your life is such a mess...

i know that it's all my fault...

it's always been and it always will be...

SORRY FOR BEING MYSELF.

don't worry...

i'll disappear from your life soon.

before long, you'll forget me like everybody else...

you'll be happier that way right?

i know that my mere existence is the cause of your pain...

i was too full of myself...

thinking that i was fighting the same pains and the same fears as you...

i'm human.

i laugh and i cry.

even if it doesn't seem like it, i get hurt by your words...

i just smile to bear the pain.

just arrived home from church.

we had practice like until 5++ for next sunday's worship...

the earlier part of the day was quite fun i guess...

we all talked about church camp and all that shit.

then blah blah blah...

had lunch with kenneth, eugene, tim and fabian...

they labelled me as "one of the guys"

bleh... then they kept saying i was a guy and blah.

it wouldn't have bothered me if this was the first time they did this...

unfortunately, IT'S NOT.

so yeah....

i'm now one of the "BROTHERHOOD"

*sigh*

this day somewhat sucked. SOMEWHAT.

word of the day: ASPERSION-a damaging or derogatory remark or criticism

nobody called me or smsed me today...

quite sad...

I'M FORGOTTEN... *sigh*

currently watching Vampire Knight...

it's the exact thing to cheer me up.

shoutout: A SMILE WITH NO IMPURITIES, LOST TO CRUELTY.

I've got you to make me feel stronger
When the days are rough and an hour seems much longer
When I got you
To make me feel better
When the nights are long they'll be easier together


well just finished cleaning my room and now i have a cold...

happens everytime...

went to school yesterday and hung out with danah and niki afterwards...

it was really fun coz we talked about the strangest of things...

like jun wei, teachers of chai chee etc...

it was really fun...

then went home and did the same stuff again...

it's like i'm just repeating a day over and over again...

the same routines done and same emotions displayed everyday...

it's like i'm trapped in this thing called LIFE.

bleh.

listening to songs now...

seriously want to go out nowadays...

you know, to break the chain of boring days i have awaiting me.

*sigh* christmas is coming and i kinda have a feeling that it will be the same as it was before...

ok maybe not excatly like it was before...

maybe, hopefully, a lil bit different...

blech.

SERIOUSLY. i have no friggin idea what to do...

bugger.

really need to improve my vocabulary...

OK! that was totally unrelated...

my word of the day: IDIOSYNCRASY-a characteristic, habit, mannerism, or the like, that is peculiar to an individual.

bleh.

shoutout: THE STARS COLLIDE, WILL YOU STAND BY AND WATCH THEM FALL?

It's only been a day
But it's like I can't go on
I just wanna say
I never meant to do you wrong

PRE-CHORUS:
And I remember you told me baby
Something's gotta give
If I can't be the one to hold you baby
I don't think I could live

CHORUS:
Now I'm so sick of being lonely
This is killing me so slowly
Don't pretend that you don't know me
'Cause that's the worst thing you could do!
Now I'm singing such a sad song
These things never seem to last long
Something that I never planned on
Help me baby I'm so sick of being lonely

Your stuff is in my house
So many things I can't ignore
Your coats they're on the couch
Your photo's on my freezer door

(PRE-CHORUS)
(CHORUS)

I am so lonely

(PRE-CHORUS)
(CHORUS)

I am so lonely
I am so lonely...

i feel sick...

accidentally consumed ferrero roche...

scratch that, i subconsciously consumed ferrero roche...

i used "subconsciously" coz i kept thinking of eating the chocs even though i knew the consequences...

so yeah... to cut the crap short, i ate it and now i'm freakin itchy...

fortunately i'm not that allergic to nuts anymore like before...

so yeah... still have the asthma attacks and blah.

*sigh*

today i feel like crap...

still didn't talk to him and to put it frankly: IT'S TEARING ME APART.

*sigh*

i just wish he'd call me and just talk to me again...

coz i don't know what i might do "unconsciously" again...

shoutout: I'M MISSING YOU ALOT.

*yawn*

didn't do much today...

i did my dna model immediately after i woke up...

i didn't talk to him today...

i gues he's still angry about last night *sigh*

I'M SORRY OK?

cried for a while because of it...

then stopped coz there's no point in me crying...

what if i was just over-reacting and being too clingy?

that would just make him drift further away from me...

so yeah, stopped and listened to songs...

spruced up abit then did my usual anit-depressant antics.

i sang out loud just to blow my troubles away...

quite fun...

then continued with my model and just thought and thought and thought...

so here i am...

writing, which is probably, the most emotionless post i've ever posted...

shoutout: I'M SORRY. PLEASE TALK TO ME AGAIN.

I'M SORRY...

i'm sorry for all the things i've done...

i'm sorry for being me..

i didn't mean to do it... it was an accident.

i'm sorry...

please stop not replying my messages...

i'm sorry...

i don't know why but i can't stop tearing up because of this...

sorry...

i'm sorry...

WARNING LONG POST!!!

yesterday was quite fun...

me, shanice, michelle, shi pei, tim and eugene didn't want to go to sleep so we decided to play pool until 4++++

eugene was so shagged so we went to my room to play cards (grace was sleeping with rachel so yeah... my room was quite empty)

so we connected the two beds and played cards...

michelle was so shagged that she didn't even play one game and fell asleep beside me...

eventually i became sleepy so i fell asleep too... AND BTW! i was hugging shanice's leg...

woke up from time to time and saw the other four still playing...

then woke up to the sound of the doorbell and saw that shanice and shi pei already fell asleep on the other bed...

so yeah answered the door and eugene and tim was there, doing their irritating morning calls...

we all didn't sleep well so we were pretty late during our sharing session...

fortunately me, tim and eugene were able to stay awake during service coz it would've been such a hassle to have fallen asleep while we were playing for praise and worship...

then blah blah blah we played pool again with xin tian then left the hotel...

so the moment we sat down in the bus we all fell asleep...

i woke up coz my iPod suddenly ran out of batt and i can't sleep without any music...

had some stopovers blah blah blah

AT THE CUSTOMS IN SINGAPORE!

i was standing behind t-squared and behind me were jerold, auntie priscilla, and uncle david...

then uncle david said that i have a very sunny face... LOL!

i didn't expect to hear a compliment from him so i was pretty taken aback...

it was quite flattering to hear that coz noone has said that before... HEHEHE

so yeah arrived in church, mom fetched us and blah we're home...

smsed him and yeah that's pretty much what happened yesterday...

didn't talk to him much...

quite bummed coz i missed him so much then yeah... i won't say anything anymore because i'm beginning to sound too clingy...

today was quite ok i guess...

decided to make another dna model because the first one looked like shit...

it didn't go as easy as i thought it would be so i'll continue making it tomorrow but at least i have an idea how to make it more 3d-ish...

my mom just called and said that she'll be late coz she'll be watching The Day the Earth Stood Still...

SO UNFAIR!!!

i wanted to watch that...

*sigh* i guess i'll go watch it with somebody else then...

didn't talk to him the whole day...

didn't want to disturb him coz he seemed so busy...

bleh.

shoutout: I'M NOT AS STRONG AS I SEEM TO BE...

i'm losing everything that i ever cared about...

i feel like we're drifting apart...

going our separate ways...

i do not know why but i feel like he's slipping away from me...

please don't tell me that it's over...

tell me that i am wrong to think this way...

that he still feels the same and it won't ever fade...

don't say goodbye...

give me the reassurance and relief with his words that he once said...

words that he said with certainty and love...

PLEASE STAY...

don't go...

don't slip away...

i'm losing sight of what's important to me now...

please say those words to me again...

i want to hear your voice tonight...

well, still here...

this is me typing at the lobby, same place...

today was quite fun...

i woke up to eugene's irritating morning call... ("good mornign, is this ms tabalada? there's a strawberry cheesecake waiting for you downstairs)

then we ate breakfast and had one of the sessions...

then had lunch (the other youth, not me... i stayed in my room to slack) then we went to makohta, or mahkota dunnoe how to spell, for shopping...

i think i spent a bit over my budget for the day so no choice, need to withdraw money...

just hope that i can find some place that has a posb bank...

*sigh* i think it's very hard to find one here...

didn't go use the computer for long last night...

i had nothing to do plus i was alone here...

he didn't come online (or he came online very late, dunnoe)...

then alicia-jie used my computer to talk to her bf so i went back to my room and slept...

i'm a bit sad cause tomorrow is like the day that we first told each other "i love you" a month ago so yeah...

anniversary... *sigh* dunnoe... whatever i guess...

plus i haven't like had, any contact with him for almost a week and it's quite saddening coz i really miss him alot...

IF EVER YOU'RE READING THIS, I HOPE I CAN TALK TO YOU SOON... I MISS YOU TOO MUCH...

i had a very disturbing dream last night though...

i dreamt that he called me just to ask to break up...

wth... when i woke up i wanted to cry...

i hope that it stays a dream...

*sigh*

gonna try to stay awake just to be able to talk to him i guess...

shoutout: I MISS YOU, DO YOU KNOW THAT? HOW BOUT YOU??

well, currently in melaka now...

church camp...

bleh... now at the lobby actually...

coz the hotel's wireless internet had probs so cannot access from my room... so sad..

today was quite exhilerating in a way i guess...

went to church at 7 ++am to assemble...

left at around 8- something...

then fell asleep the whole trip to melaka and woke up just to eat lunch...

afterwards went back to the bus to go to our hotel...

then da da ra raaa!! woo! we're at BAYVIEW HOTEL!

bleh. rooming with grace...

hohoho.. our room is like the tidiest room amongst all the rooms that is occupied by youth people...

so yeah...

the activities for today is already done so just surfing the net now...

quite bored...

the whole lobby's empty except for me, the guard, the reception people, and the girl at the shop nearby...

REALLY MISSING HIM NOW...

i'm not so sure whether he's coming back from bali today or tomorrow...

i guess i'll have to wait till the wee hours again...

*sigh*

really bored...

waiting for shanice, grace, and eugene to come down...

bleh.

it's really cold here so yeah. CURRENTLY SICK.

shoutout: NO WORDS CAN CONVEY HOW MUCH I MISS YOU.

one of danah's tagged survey- thingy!! it's mostly ern who tags me to do these things...

1.who's the person who tagged you?
DANAH!!

2.relationship between u n him?
friend, daughter-in-law?, soon to be m-o-l (mum-in-law)

3.5 impressions of her?
crazy, insane to be with, funny, caring, trustworthy

4.if she becomes your enemy, you will
laugh. cannot be.. TOO CHUMMY

5.what will you say to the person u like very much?
yo. LOVE YOU.

6.a characteristic i like abt myself:
hmmm... open-minded, creative. THAT'S ALL

7.a characteristic i hate abt myself:
self-debilitating, egoistic, full of self, demeaning.

8.for the person u hate, you say?
FUCK OFF or i'll wack your ass

9.what do people feel abt u:
ask them.

10.your crush:
hopefully something good!

11.most ideal person u wanna be?
idk... nobody?

12.pass this to 10 ppl
1 holly
2 ern
3 benson
4 eugene
5 rachel yong
6 daryl
7 shanice
8 guan nan
9 jensen
10 yi zhong

13.if 5&7 were together?
hahaha... noooo.. cannot be..

14.who does 5 like?
that guy in the orange shirt i saw one time... dunnoe his name.

15.what color does 9 like?
wild guess. BLACK?

16.say something to 8:
BOO!

17.who is 2?
my ex rebound boyfriend! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH! jkjkjk

18.talk about 3
he loves jarah?

19.whos 10's bestfren?
not sure... either jeco or jordy??

20.who is the sexiest among all 10
hehehe.. SECRET!

21.what color does 4 like?
another wild guess. ALL THE COLOURS OF THE RAINBOW!

22.is 4 single?
haha.. YEAH!

23.your relationship with one?
my very very good friend and ex wifey

24.are 5&6 best frens?
not really.. just friends

25.9's surname?
NG!

26.7's nicky?
sweetie pie!

27.say something to 4:
you suck. lol! kidding!

28.say something to help 10?
help in what way??? HI!

29.who does 1 admire?
hahaha... she used to like faiz now she's moving on.

30.where does 1 live?
pasir ris

31.10 of them know who u like?
not all... benson dunnoe, daryl also... idk about ern.

32.say something to 6 when you see him?
boo! OLD MAN!

33.10's spouse?
hehehe... ask him!

slept early last night... 2 am.. it's early for me...

but unfortunately slept till noon...

*sigh* pig

anyway listening to music now...

didn't stay online for long coz there's no point.

i dreamt i lost my phone...

then that i found it near the sofa...

it's brown so it kind of camouflaged with the sofa... STUPID

yesterday was quite productive...

finally finished my dna model.

so yeah, ALL MY HOLS HW IS OFFICIALLY FINISHED... *except the one mr tan gave... the a-maths probs in the book... i don't have an inkling how to do*

clean the house so yeah, it's squeaky clean now...

then played guitar for a while...

had to stop coz i accidentally cut my finger with the string. -___-

i'm guessing that today won't be as productive..

*sigh* sitting around the house is soo ermm.. self- debilitating...

STILL MISSING HIM!

well, church camp is tomorrow...

still haven't packed...

so irritating...

wonder what will happen if for some effing reason, i suddenly died today or on the way to church or on the way to melacca??

will anybody be sad?

*sigh*

once again... so self-debilitating...

shoutout: PLEASE... NO MORE LIES.

well woke up late today, *as usual*

slept at 6 am last night/this morning...

i was waiting for him to come online but he didn't...

i guess there's no computer in bali... *sigh*

normally people will go offline at around 2...

dunnoe why i decided to wait until 6...

*sigh*

I REALLLLYYYY MISS HIM.

totally sucks...

well 2 days before church camp...

planning to bring my lappy...

haven't packed yet... too lazy...

Fly me off to where you are beyond the distant star.
I wish upon tonight to see you smile...
If only for a while to know you're there...
A breath away's not far to where you are...

*sigh* watching MTV's Top 100 hits of 08...

cool... Chris Daughtry's Feels like tonight is in 66...

bored...

really bored...

shoutout: PLEASE DON'T SHUT ME OUT...

well today was better than yesterday...

wasn't that too depressed...

probably because it was raining so i felt like slacking around... no energy to even be sad.

watched tv the whole entire day...

it's obvious that i have nothing productive to do every day of my life...

bleh.

my dad sent us his lappy so it goes to mom... yay.. no more lending mine to her...

and i got a new handphone and some uber cool shirts...

hehehehe...

so yeah...

missed him a lot today...

*sigh* well, i can't cry over spilt milk...

being depressed won't make him come back or anything...

bleh...

i've been sneezing the whole day... maybe someone was talking trash about me behind my back...

i had a movie marathon today...

then watched segments of "Whose line is it anyway?" on youtube.

well, i can't really think of anything to write...

maybe somebody can give me a suggestion of what to blog about... *che*

super duper bored at the moment...

*sigh*

shoutout: I'M MISSING YOU... do you feel that way too?

some random list i wished to type...

wishes for christmas: *as if it will come true... bugger*

-to spend christmas eve and new year's eve with him...

-have a long relationship with him...

-la senza pjamas... (it's nice... )

-new earphones for my handphone and ipod. (my mom's cheapskate, she doesn't want to buy me one)

-punk rock swatch watch...

-new handphone

-gibson les paul guitar.

-more time with the people i love

-intelligence for o's next year

-new wardrobe

-slimmer figure

-a domo-kun toy... (he's freakin cute)

-converse shoes... (my mom said she won't buy me new shoes until i throw some out)

-perfect eyesight

well i guess that's it...

it's just a wishful thinking kind of list...

had nothing to do so yeah... HENCE the list...

well today was a pretty okok day...

he went to bali so was kinda down the whole day...

everybody in the youth was like "jem! why so emo?", "why so sad?", "what happened?"

well of course i didn't tell much coz i couldn't convey how i felt into words...

so yeah... he didn't call me to say 'bye bye' so yeah, kinda sad... unlike the time he went to bangkok...

well i can't always expect the same thing to happen i guess...

i'm just so sad coz i know i'll miss him alot...

hopefully he will too...

i wonder if i can type his name here??

i guess i'll have to ask his permission then... blah.

anyway had practice for church camp worship till 4 plus...

the went out with shi pei, rachel, grace, shanice and shanice's man, daren *i'm not sure how to spell, sorry*

we went to orchard to buy stuff *which we never did*

so yeah... looked at stores and saw this awesome lolita shop...

blah...

been really down and looking at shanice and her bf made me sadder...

i wanted to cry but then fortunately i didn't...

i just kept smiling until my eyes started to water already...

so yeah pretty much just arrived home...

feeling like a total shithead right now...

i just wish.... ah.. nevermind...

shoutout: LITTLE BY LITTLE I CRUMBLE AND FALL...

yoohoo! lol

here are the singapore poly photos i owe you holly!

today was better than yesterday...

i was pretty pumped up the whole day coz i helped clean the house...

oddly enough, i didn't complain that much...

so yeah, the house is spotless now... somewhat..

anyway, we had our first misunderstanding yesterday...

we were both not in a very good mood so yeah hence the misunderstanding...

but fortunately we worked it out...

yesterday was probably the first time i ever cried myself to sleep because i missed somebody too much...

anyway he's going to bali tomorrow so quite bummed coz we're separating on a, somehow, bad note...

hope you feel better soon...

although he won't be there for long but when he comes back, i'll be in malaysia for church camp...

*sigh*

kinda hoping that i'll get to see him some time after that...

i was listening to a song a while ago then i thought about him...

i thought, "wow... i get to spend christmas this year with somebody i love... COOL"

anyway, i do miss him... a lot actually...

*sigh* absence DOES make the heart grow fonder...

anyway i hope that he'll have fun there and also get well...

*sigh* hardly talked to him this past few days...

shoutout: I MISS YOU... TAKE CARE OK? hoping you miss me as much as i do...

blah.. TODAY SUCKED.

was really bored the whole day...

had nobody to sms or talk to so yeah, felt crappy...

*sigh* btw, TO HOLLY: sorry babe but there's something wrong with the com that's why it couldn't read my phone... i'll post the singapore poly photos asap. SORRY.

bleh...

was seriously down the whole day...

i woke up at 1- ish coz he called coz he can't sleep...

so yeah, i accompanied him till he felt tired...

i was about to go to sleep but i couldn't sleep at all...

it's like i wanted to sleep but something kept waking me up...

eventually i feel asleep at around 4.30...

bleh. then i had to go to tampines mall with my brother to run an errand for my mom...

then blah, came home, emo-ed, spruced yp the house abit, then watched tv...

TOTALLY BORING MAN...

i wanted to go out but unfortunately no one was free...

couldn't eat the whole day as well coz, for some reason that i do not know, i felt depressed and blah.

*sigh* maybe i'll go bang my head or somethin...

shoutout: WISHING THAT TOMORROW WILL BE A BETTER DAY FOR ME.

okies. i'm back.

well i don't really know what to say coz this day was pretty much boring...

wasted half of my day sleeping coz i slept at 5.30 last night/ this morning, blah...

he couldn't sleep yesterday so yeah, i accompanied him and kept myself awake.

it was fun really...

he was super hyper... it was quite fun talking to him in that way. LOLLER

so yeah, we just talked and talked and talked from dusk till dawn...

he was SUPER sweet during our conversation.

hehehe. *heart smitten*

*sigh* i just want to scream to the world how much i love him...

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU!!

hehehe... ok, i've finished my blah ranting/screams...

bleh...

i don't really care who knows about us dating...

what's the point of having a relationship if you're gonna keep it a secret?

bleh...

i really miss him now so hoping i can see him again...

*sigh*

shoutout: I LOVE MY BOYFRIEND! LOVELOVELOVE!!!

ok. this post might be a little mushy so yeah...

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED! ok lame i know.

today is like the best day i've had...

i went out with him today... *woots!*

we were supposed to meet at tenah merah mrt station..

he was a little late...

5 mrt passed by so yeah, i was kinda emoing before he got there...

so he arrived and we boarded mrt no.6

we had no idea where and what were going to do...

so we ended up going to orchard.

at orchard, we also didn't know what to do so we decided to go to cineleisure [CL] to watch a movie.

we were walking to cl and we were just talking...

i had alot of things going through my mind while were talking but it's not that importat so let's continue...

so yeah we arrived and bought tickets for Four Christmases. it's weird coz i hate christmas and i'm a watching a move about two people spending 4 weird christmases.

ok, the movie was filming, blah blah blah, let's fast forward abit shall we?

ok game.

our fingers brushed each other and before we knew it we were holding hands...

for some reason, at around the middle of the movie, our faces were getting closer and closer.

then he kissed my forehead. bummer

then i gave his a smooch on the cheek and then it happened.

we had our first kiss...

it wasn't like all the other first kisses i've shared with all my exes...

it wasn't rough and forceful...

it was gentle... it was like, the best kiss i've ever had.

to conclude that kiss, it was FIREWORKS. like 4th of July fireworks...

it's been very very long ever since i had a kiss where there was fireworks involved... i know the feeling again... (^^) but it's a different kind of fireworks now

then we just did it all over again... woots. FRENCH KISSIN BABY.

it wasn't like any of my past kisses as well...

it was gentle yet somewhat passionate...

it was one word: AMAZING

more fireworks actually... like 4th of July, New Year's Eve, and all the occasions with fireworks combined kind of boom.

then thing that i loved most about what happened in the movie theater was the way he whispered "I love you" in my ear...

so yeah... it kinda left a tingling feeling in me... like i had butterflies in my stomach but it felt nice.

this day made me really happy...

it just made me love him more, i guess...

i fell asleep when i got home and all i could think about was him and that kiss...

haa... i wished that the movie never ended because it made me really happy...

maybe this year, i won't hate christmas that much after all...

shoutout: I LOVE YOU MORE NOW. hope you feel the same way.

yay!! i am very happy because HE'S BACK!!!

he smsed me at around 4.51 then we talked on the phone till 6-ish...

it was so nice to talk to him again!!

we hang up then slept...

hehe... since he was the last person i talked to, i dreamt about him...

anyway i'll elaborate more on the dream later...

THAT GIRL♣

NAME: Jemimah
Age: 19-ish
Email: ask and it shall be given
popped out of my mom on the 12th of August.
don't like my blog? JUST PRESS CLOSE.
i'll tell you what you want to know about me so long as you don't spam, or do anything disrespectful... >< Does Provillus Work?
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DESIRES♣

HIM
new lappy
cash~!
Gibson Les Paul guitar
new amps

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